The Bell Tower Times Guide to Surviving the Winter
Because no one hates winter like Perth.
Welcome to the next instalment in our new fortnightly Bell Tower Times Guide To... Series. This week, he tackles at the impending doom that is our dreaded Winter.
1. Dress for success
Boardies aren’t just a pair of shorts in WA they are a lifestyle choice. Just because the mercury has dropped doesn’t mean you need to abandon your old faithfuls. Cue the knock-off Ugg Boots you’ve been dragging through supermarkets for the last four years.
Combine with your school leavers hoody (regardless of graduating year) and you are rocking Perth winter chic. Ladies, to adapt for your feminine needs, just replace the boardies with active wear leggings.
2. Car Insurance
As soon as a single drop of water hits the roads, Perth turns into a real life game of the 1997 PC hit Carmageddon. Statistically, you are going to plough into the back of someone or burst into someone's living room like a vehicular Kramer.
To save yourself the burden of serious debt, get your car insurance in check. You are going to need it.
3. Be smug about nicer days
Yes, in the aquarium of Aussie weather, Perth winters are about as vanilla as missionary sex with a starfish. As a result, it isn’t unheard of to get a few 25 degree stunners, even in the heart of winter darkness.
It is apparently imperative then, that you take out your phone on every sunny-ish day and take pictures of the bright landscape. All of which will count for nothing if you don't smugly post about “another terrible day in Perth :P”. Extra points if you thrash the #perthisok hashtag and throw shade at Melbs.
4. Socially Hibernate
Going out for dinner and drinks in 16 degree weather? Seriously, what are you, a fucking Eskimo? To Perthians, it is legitimately a mystery how any city with cold weather maintains a pumping social scene during the winter.
What is the point of going out if you can't sit in a beer garden, slamming back cold beer and punching darts like a Chinese businessman? No, it is far better to spend every weekend at home, form a mild case of clinical depression and whinge about how boring Perth is.