The Bell Tower Times Guide To Heckling A Stand Up Comedy Show
Old mate belly has some handy tips on being the best twat you can be.
The Perth Comedy Festival is currently hitting venues all over town (more info/tickets HERE), and to get you in the mood noted funny bastard The Bell Tower Times sent us a very handy guide to heckling at a comedy show:
There is more than one way to be a skidmark on the underpants of a comedy show. Sure, you can just yell shit out, but to truly heckle a show, you must launch a multi-pronged attack.
1. Be Fashionably Late
Everybody knows that arriving before a show begins is uncool and comes off as desperate as setting your Tinder age range to include 55+. Arrive roughly five minutes late, that way, the comedian’s nerves have probably settled and you can get him back on his toes with the sound of you oafish footsteps.
You may get called out for your late entrance by the loser trying to perform his finely crafted show, fear not as this is your time to…
2. Drunkenly Heckle
Despite a string of failed dates and rocky relationships, you know in your heart of hearts that you are a funny and charismatic drunk. It is a must to bring that slurred-wit to the forefront and verbally heckle the comedian.
Now, don’t be too worried about articulacy, that’s the schmuck on stage’s job. You just focus on bellowing your little drunk-nothings and being the real hero of the night.
3. Never Laugh
Laughing concedes defeat. It tells the people you’ve come with that you have fallen under the spell of the comedian and are no longer the alpha-jokester in the room.
Is there anything more desperate than telling jokes to get the validation of the room via laughter? The comedian is just an egocentric hack that is practically begging you to laugh. So don’t. You're better than that.
4. Critique, Critique, Critique
After your disruptive entrance and slaying of the comedic dragon with your pisshead heckle, about everyone in the room is thinking what a legend you are. It is important to capitalise on this status during the intermission between acts.
Tell anyone who will listen how you would’ve crafted the joke differently or if you are a sensitive sack of snowflake, tell everyone how the comedian “can’t say that”. Whichever road you go, rest assured in the knowledge that despite people paying to see the comedian, it’s you they are paying attention to.
Also, you get extra points if you can track down the comedian and give him some feedback. Note, at this stage they may want to ram a microphone down your dick and/or poon hole.