Friday Rant: Our Tall Poppy problem is gonna f*** things for everyone

Friday Rant: Our Tall Poppy problem is gonna f*** things for everyone

While you're sitting around bitching on event walls the club scene is suffering.

Quick background on the below rant for those playing at home: Recently an event was announced in Perth featuring a giant spider coming down to Australia for the first time ever, and we were the lucky recipients of that hectic-looking beast over every other capital city. The three-day event features Leftfield doing a Friday night set, while Alison Wonderland, Carmada and Elk Road will be playing an over-18s show on the Saturday, and an under-18s show on the Sunday.

Following the announcement the event wall lit up (click HERE if you feel like killing yourself) with a bunch of angry children miffed that Alison, arguably Australia's biggest electronic export right now behind Flume, was booked to headline.

Let me preface the below rant with this: It is probably a fair call to say she's played here a lot over the past 12 months. And if you're tired of seeing her that's okay. I'm not here to debate this. And you don't need to attend every event she's booked at.


Does she deserve spiteful, hateful, vitriolic commentary from a bunch of keyboard lords at home?


You probably don’t realise this because you can’t uncross your eyes long enough to see two feet in front of you but there is a growing tendency amongst bookers nationally and internationally to start skipping Perth again and our attitude, along with our reluctance to buy tickets/our penchant for scalping tickets, is why*. So what Alison has been played here too much, does that mean you need to jump onto an event wall with some pithy remark or personal attack if you don’t want to go? You’re a keyboard warrior and looking cool amongst your bros on social media is all you’ve got.

To the people jumping on the Alison hate bandwagon to rack up some c00l Facebook likes, try having an independent thought for 10 seconds.

To the people complaining there should be more of a particular genre – do something about it that isn’t yelling at people on an irrelevant event. Talk to your promoter crews/event organisers about starting their own festival and take things to the next level. Sure you can run a semi-successful weekly/fortnightly/monthly club night - that's easy, and if you're smart and have the passion to do so, it can lead on to bigger and better things.

You know what’s not easy? Getting a fucking 50-foot high spider to come to Australia for the first time ever, bypass all the other capital cities, and come to Perth. Do you have any idea the kind of clearances involved in making something like this happen? No, of course you don’t. You just think it happens like that and the genre of music YOU love in particular should be catered too.

How about checking out the spider on Friday night, when an international electronic music legend called Leftfield is playing? Ah wait, you wouldn’t have a clue who that was because your knowledge of electronic music extends six months ago when you started taking pingers.

To the people just straight up throwing hateful comments in the direction of artists - you think Alison Wonderland doesn’t see your personal attacks? She does, and there’s a very real chance she won’t bother coming back to Perth.

“Ha, good fucking riddance,” I hear you say.

Maybe for you, but for the thousands of fans she has garnered over the past couple of years – what about them? Ah fuck them because they’re not you - people who seem to enjoy having a laugh at the expense of someone who is yes, a successful artist, but also a human being, who really has done nothing besides work her arse off the past few years, in the process releasing a hugely successful album and expanding her fanbase massively here and abroad. She gets booked because she’s good. She gets booked because she's popular. And people like that get booked because events are fucking expensive to put on and they need to sell tickets to make sure it’s worth doing.

This event isn't for YOU in particular, so why do you feel the need to personally attack someone just because the organisers felt they were the best option to sell the most tickets to the broadest audience. Do you actually care that you don’t get to see YOUR FAVOURITE ACT IN PARTICULAR at the giant spider, or are you just excited to hang shit on a successful artist because mixing tunes at 140bpm only in your bedroom every weekend isn’t quite taking off like you thought it would?

We have an embarrassing tall poppy syndrome problem, and we're heading back to the dark ages of no one wanting to come here anymore quicker than you can say "PUT JAUZ ON LATER CUNTS".

This is nothing but another shitty example of your complete lack of understanding of how a dance music scene is supposed to operate. You don’t start petitions to get event organisers to change a set time. You don’t start trendy #hashtags to "ban" artists from events. You don’t jump the fence because ‘fuck me right these cunts are raking it in they can afford it’.

If you don’t like a lineup, move on, it's that simple. You and your hero mates jumping on an event wall and complaining about the lineup because it's not to your particular taste solves zero problems, whilst simultaneously creating many more.

Why not instead get out and support your local crews and clubs, lord knows they need it. Pay a bit of money to see artists if they still bother to come here... Pay a bit of money to go to a festival if it’s got some acts on it you do like. If the lineup isn’t perfect or exactly to your taste, that’s cool, it’s pretty hard to please every SINGLE PERSON.

But please, don’t sit there at home on your keyboard and hang shit on people more successful than you. It’s the sign of an insecure and sad person who has nothing better to do with their life.

Every action has a reaction, and if we keep this attitude up Perth is gonna turn into another barren wasteland for touring artists, and all you’ll have left is your gurning mates in some bedroom somewhere rinsing the fuck out of a secondhand controller they got off some meth head in the sticks while you wonder if you should have a fifth pinger or not.

Dance music is supposed to be about the community, and supporting the scene, and going out with your mates and having a good time. Not sitting at home on your keyboard being a bully. Because that's what this is, bullying.


*James Blake and Ellie Goulding both cancelled their Perth shows this week, FYI.

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