And overly long and kinda silly list of things people do that annoys DJs
Consider this a little list of dont's and dont's when getting turnt in the club.
If there's one thing DJs love more than telling people how they're DJs, it's how much they fucking hate people who fucking request songs while they're practicing their art. We guarantee it. Try it. Next time you're walking along a street and you see someone walking along the other way, we dare you to just say, "Hey what's going on?" And 9 times out of 10 they'll reply, "Hey mate, I'm a DJ and fuck let me tell you about this cunt who kept hassling me behind the decks last night." No word of a lie. Any street. Any time. There's more of them than vegans.
Weird thing is, even though people requesting songs from DJs is such a hated act, it still happens heaps. In fact, a recent study has confirmed that in the time you've spent reading this article so far, already 23 poor souls have had a phone thrust into their face with the name of some song in it, totally interrupting their flow and thus killing the vibe of the night.
To ease some of their pain (and also to help you not make DJs any angrier than they already are), we've compiled a list of things for you to keep on you at all club-going times. So next time you're grooving away on the dancefloor dancing like nobody is secretly snapchatting you, and you feel like maybe you'll have a chat to the DJ, pull this list out. And see if what you're about to do is on this list. Because if you do, rest assured the 1000-yard stare that greets you upon request will burn a hole in your soul for all eternity.
46 SURE SIGNS YOU'RE ANNOYING THE DJ:
1. Do you hover around the decks?
2. Are you standing on the dancefloor with your arms crossed because the DJ won’t play your song, AKA The D-Floor Succubus?
3. Did you just swipe a drink from the DJ booth?
4. Did you say "play something everyone can dance to" even though the entire dancefloor is in fact, dancing?
5. Did you ask for n***** beats? (and if you did what the fuck is wrong with you?)
6. Is it a hen’s night and the bride-to-be just HAS TO HEAR BEYONCE?
7. Is it a buck's night and the groom-to-be just HAS TO GET A SHOUTOUT FROM THE LADS?
8. Did you spend the better part of 20 minutes politely explaining that no one is dancing and give a detailed analysis of what the DJ should do to fix the problem?
9. Are you about to leave but “REALLY NEED TO HEAR ______” before you go?
10. Did the DJ play the song you asked for but you didn’t even notice and so you need it played again?
11. Do you “dabble a bit” on your mate’s decks at home so maybe the DJ could let you jump up and play for a while?
"Here's a photo of me at home to prove it." (via.)
12. Is seminal trap song, Core, by groundbreaking trap artist RL Grime, a track you think is due for a comeback?
13. Do you just so happen to have some USBs on you?
14. Did your dad used to play vinyl at some club that closed 30 years ago, so you know what you’re doing?
15. Did you ask for something “more upbeat”?
16. Did you wanna hear “that song with Bieber and the key guy - you know the one”?
17. Did you start chanting WHOOMP THERE IT IS no matter what the fuck is playing?
18. Did you start chanting HEY BABY by DJ Otzi no matter what the fuck is playing?
19. Did you request Hey Baby by DJ Otzi?
20. Did you hold one hand to your ear and use the other to pretend to scratch a record and make the “wikki wikki” noise like you’re a pro?
21. Did you shove a shoe in the DJ’s face full of piss and beer and demand they stop immediately what they’re doing right now and “DO THIS FUCKING SHOEY”?
22. Have you kindly cued up a shitty dubstep track on YouTube and held your phone up in the DJ’s face shouting "AUX CORD?"
23. Do you for some reason have a phone charger on you to bring up to the booth and try to charge your phone?
24. Did you fart on the dancefloor right in front of the booth?
Because he definitely did.
25. Did you spend the whole night snapchatting the DJ with your flash on?
26. Did you ask the DJ to take a photo of you and your friends?
27. Did you ask for a something more dancey and then when asked what that might actually be, replied, “I dunno, you’re the DJ”?
28. Do you think happy hardcore is the genre which is really gonna set the place on fire?
29. Did you just casually reach in and scratch whatever CDJ is closest to you?
30. Did you ask the DJ if they’ve got any pingers, or know someone who may indeed have any pingers?
31. Did you meet the DJ once and now you message them the same time every weekend to get them to help you skip the line?
32. Do you make a throat slitting gesture towards the DJ every time a song comes on you don’t like?
The only throat slitting gestures I wanna see are before I get my ass choke slammed.
33. Did you ask for just one shoutout, actually get it, and then proceed to ask for 10 more things?
34. Did you ask for some old school R&B, you know, “like Rihanna or Kendrick”?
35. Do you "know the owner" and so it's cool for you to take charge?
36. Did you ask if you can wear the DJ’s headphones so your friends can take a #sick photo of you being a DJ in the #clurb?
37. Did you tell the DJ to cut it with this “gay house shit” and play some fuckin' Acca Dacca?
"I SAID PLAY SOMETHING WITH SOME FUCKING GUITARS IN IT CUNT." (via)
38. Did you have your house party playlist cued up on Spotify and just ask the DJ to pass the aux cord?
39. Holy shit did you bring out your own fucking aux cord?!
40. Did you request Horses*?
41. Did you ask for a slow dance song while a peak time fucking banger is playing, m8?
42. Did you request Humble by Kendrick as though 17 other people haven’t already done the same?
43. Are you so cooked that all you wanna do is spend the next half hour telling the DJ how cooked you are?
44. Did you ask the DJ if you can pleaaaaaaaaseee just mix in one track? Just one?
45. Did you ask the DJ to stop what they're doing and play the happy birthday song right now?
46. Did you request Chameleon, which is so passé and lame and we’re not even sure why you would ever consider requesting such a stale tune GOSH?
…Then there’s a good chance you are indeed, annoying the DJ.
*Just kidding. Horses is always good.