Pilerats' Game Of Thrones Season Seven Primer
Winter is finally freakin' here, folks.
It’s been an arduous twelve months, but in just under a week's time, everyone’s favourite backstabbing, boob-thirsty, theory-crafting show Game Of Thrones is back for its seventh season. Capturing the hearts and brains of many, this pop culture phenomenon is relentless in a sense that even during the show's off-season, we just about cannot go a single week without hearing some crazed fan theory. Whether it be some dude spawning the bonkers theory that former Warden of The North Ned Stark (god rest his soul) is in fact still alive, to the theory that Ser Davos holds all the trait to that of Azor Ahai. The off-season is either a mighty glorious time to allow your blood pressure to settle down or it’s a day by day, calendar mark off until the arrival of the next season. For us, it’s a mixture of both - the show's finally starting to get somewhere and with so many juicy storylines and plotlines unfolding last season, season seven cannot come soon a-fucking-enough!
Our best advice to anyone that lives and loves this show is to either watch last season again (if your memory is vague) or at the very least, watch the last handful of episodes so that you’re at least up to date with how everyone is placed. If you hate spoilers or are yet to get up to date (come on, you’ve had literally over twelve months to catch up) then you best look away now. On a week by week basis, we have decided to give you a look at just what’s happening with each character from each week’s episode. Starting from pre-season, let’s take a look back (and forward) at what might be to come for some of our beloved (and hated) folk of the Seven Kingdoms.
“I’m warming to that b*tch in the red, but I still don’t trust her. However, I sure as hell put my faith in the King Of The North.”
Stannis Baratheon’s (R.I.P, he tried) right-hand man is still very much a right-hand man, however, now he is providing counsel to the now King Of The North, Jon Snow. Why is he now of great interest you may be asking? Well, there is now a certain amount of intrigue surrounding this man’s story line and just where it may be heading. As far as fan theories go, (yes, we rabble on about them a lot, but the show is nothing without them) this one about Ser Davos being that of the much prophesied Azor Ahai, it certainly has us thinking that Davos just may yet have a greater role to play. If you watch the video and how it’s broken down it damn near makes a lot of sense, and combine this crazed fan theory with actor Liam Cunningham teasing that he’s been told a secret by series creator George R. R. Martin, the man that was once a smuggler now certainly holds a lot of intrigue.
Daenerys’ Three Dragons
“We have come here to chew livestock and kill Lannisters………. and we’re all out of livestock.”
Finally, these things are big enough to start doing something. Sure, we were hyped when they hatched back at the end of season one, but as the seasons have progressed Drogon, Rhaegel and Viserion have grown up right before our eyes. No longer those cute little fire-breathers she caressed back in seasons past, the three now appear fully grown and ready to change the course of battle/war. Not only do we see Drogon flying in tandem with the Dothraki to battle, but we also see what appears to be Dany mounted on Drogon during a battle with what appears to be the Lannister army. FINALLY, AFTER LONG PROMISE OF WRATH, THESE THREE F*CKERS ARE SET TO BE UNLEASHED!
“I am no o-….. Ayra Stark.”
You know, for all that Ayra’s storyline with the Many-Face God was, it, in my opinion, didn’t live up to the hype (even after we found out Jaqen H'ghar was still alive). With two seasons to go, we still think her sudden departure from the religious society has more to play out yet, but her time as “know one” is up and she is now once again, Arya Stark. Just where will Arya’s adventures take her, that’s the great mystery but we’d be game to think she surely must come across her brother and sister, Jon and Sansa at some point during the next season. Oh, and how about her ‘list’? Surely she may encounter The Hound again? With her ‘list’ shortening and now once again wielding the infamous Needle, her journey is of great interest. Also, can we please reunite Ayra with Nymeria (her wolf)? It is said Nymeria is roaming the Riverlands, but this reunion would go a mile for fans of the Starks and the last remaining dire wolves.
“Holy shit, people are actually starting to take me seriously. Keeping it together, just breathe Sansa, just breathe. Maybe Uncle Peter was right about me all along.”
No longer the whiny, sook you all hated for 5 seasons (don’t @ me, you all jumped on this bandwagon after Littlefinger got in her ear), Sansa has now finally flicked the switch on Stark bloodline and appears on the verge of doing some serious damage. If you’re a gambler, she is what you would label a ‘roughy’ to take the Iron Throne. Personally, I think she’s a fairly strong chance, given she is now the eldest of three Starks still alive, which makes her first-in-line for the Throne (given some crazy fan theory shit doesn’t go down between her and Jon). Although she has Littlefinger still very much attached to her hip (even after he tried to woo her with a creepy kiss, sigh!), she’s no longer that little girl we all grew frustrated with during her painful, extended stint in King’s Landing. Donning the famous Stark fur, now aligned with Jon, she looks of a force to be reckoned with, following the continued growth of forces in the North (and of course, the death of Ramsay!).
“Oh for heaven’s sake, all this preparation for war and talk of the Iron Throne and dragons….. *sigh*. Someone bring me some wine!”
Everyone’s favourite character, arguably he has never been in more danger nor has he ever appeared safer. Through his now alliance and council with Dany, the hand to the queen appears to finally be on the right side of things. Even though by ‘name’ his family want his head, never has there been more intrigue surrounding Tyrion. His backstory for one has many questioning just why on earth is he now in the hands or rather, united with Dany. If you’ve watched the show you’ll know about the questions surrounding his birth and the blood that runs through him. Again, the theories run rife with Tyrion and his bloodline, and perhaps the biggest teaser that there is still much to learn about Tyrion happened upon his visit Dany’s dragons in the catacombs early last season. It’s important to remember that the dragons are beasts (after all, they were all locked up due to Drogon, the largest of the three, begun killing and stealing livestock) that only Dany can control. Combine this thought with the fact that she chained them up in the dark (without food) and the three dragons were angry.
What Tyrion may lack in height, he sure as hell makes up for in guts. As he enters the catacombs one of the most interesting moments, (possibly one many of the viewers may have completely blinked over) came when he interacted with one of the dragons. Now, the reason this is so interesting (and I’ve possibly gone overboard with Tyrion’s ranking write-up) is that this interaction between Tyrion and the dragons leads to the popular fan theory that Tyrion could, in fact, be one of the prophesied figures known as the three heads of the dragon (Three dragons, three figures, one already being Dany and he will eventually be one of the three who rides one Daenerys’ dragons). There are also some that believe Tyrion's ease with the dragons also indicates he is possibly the son of Joanna Lannister and the Mad King (Aerys Targaryen) rather than Tywin Lannister, this would make him a Targaryen and not a Lannister. We know - a lot to take in - but isn’t this show just grand!
“I don’t care if I’m known as Westeros’ biggest creeper, all my work is done in the background as I am the games biggest sleeper.”
How freaking good is this screencap of Littlefinger? It just about sums up Game Of Thrones’ most sus, shifty, shady, yet equally as clever character. Love him or hate him, Littlefinger’s story has taken a major turn since his role in the demise of the shows biggest little shit, Joffrey, and we’re here for it. Sure, kissing Sansa has left him labelled as a stage 10 creeper but, this master of manipulation knows how to get shit done. He along with Varys are two of the shows most intriguing figures, popping up when you least expect it and having the very thing that a character of interest seeks. Littlefinger is a little more shifty then Varys though but, the reason Mr Peter (Littlefinger) Baelish is so high up is due to the trust he has instilled with Sansa. Backstabbing and clawing his way to power, the question we should all be asking is, what is his endgame? What is Littlefinger’s big picture?
“I killed that sausage eating, dreadful excuse of human, Ramsay, now I’m not sure what to do with my hands. Hang on, actually, someone tell the Night King that I’m still game to throwdown.”
Yes, the much-loved bastard son was in fact brought back to life. Following his resurrection, he turned slightly weird, and for a second it almost looked like he had given up hope. But, it wasn’t until he was reunited with his “sister”, Sansa Stark, that the man we all hope takes the throne, regained his will and desire to live. After recapturing the heart, fire and grunt of the armies of the North, almost dieing again, killing Ramsay (THANK F*CK!) and stirring the pot of sexual tension through a weird, eye raising kiss on the forehead with his ‘sister, but not really sister’ Sansa, the now “KING OF THE NORTH” is on a mission and looks set to play an even bigger role in final two seasons. We’ve been teased his possible alliance with Dany (again, the theories run rife) and with Jon’s back/ origin story finally taking shape, it’s all eyes on him heading into season seven.
“Huh, would you look at that. People are actually starting to like me!”
There is now a serious amount of love for this guy. Sure, his past is littered with some questionably dirty acts (*cough cough* incestuous relationship with his own sister), but as far as storyline and character progressions come, Jamie Lannister is now a dude we could actually see ourselves having a brew or wine with. Metaphorically, maybe it took going through the shitter for him to finally screw his head on properly. Whether it be the loss of now all three of his children or having his hand cut off, Jamie is no longer that same ‘ol cocky Kingslayer we so dearly hated during the earlier seasons. His weird, “just get it on already” sexually intense relationship with Brienne has us all waiting for their reunion, but until then Jamie appears angry for all the right reasons in his look ahead. We’ve seen him mounted on horse, charging with a spear in what appears to be the same battle with Dany’s dragons and could there still be more to play out between him and the lovely bloodthirsty Sand Snakes that now reign over Dorne for killing Myrcella? We’ll have to wait and see.
“OMG, I’ve only been saying this shit for 6 seasons but I’m maybe, finally, going to take the Iron Throne.”
Never far from the top, Dany has never looked stronger. After joining forces with the Greyjoy’s and getting those ships she was after, Dany looks to be no longer all talk, rather, FINALLY set to “break the wheel” on her long, at times drawn out quest to take the Iron Throne. With now three fully grown dragons at her side, the Unsullied, the Greyjoy’s, Tyrion (with theories about this alliance plastered across the web) and the Dothraki at hand, boy oh boy on paper, she sure as hell is looking unstoppable.
The White Walkers
“We killed the one who chant’s “HODOR”, hahahaha now we are coming for the rest of you. By the way, what was his deal?, anyhow, the Long Night is near with world domination our aim and we ain’t stopping till we achieve it. Oh, and P.S, tell that scruffy haired leader of yours that I’m coming for him.”
If the Battle Of Hardhome is anything to go by, the shows most important background villain may (finally!) also be about to wreck havoc. Like many plotlines, we’ve been teased throughout the seasons but, during seasons five and six they started to finally rustle a few feathers. With their power only really being teased/showcased at Hardhome, we don’t fully know what this villainous folk are capable of. But, let’s not forget when they tore out our hearts through the demise of Hodor (1 “HODOR” = 1 prayer). We saw the ball measuring stare off between Jon and the Night King following the abrupt conclusion of the Battle Of Hardhome and with Brann’s storyline finally taking an interesting turn through being marked by the Night King, and two seasons to go, shit looks set to get real.
“Feel free to @ me, but choose your words wisely as I am the Mad Queen now. Now, where is my wine?”
Following the absolute chaos and #nochill antics she caused at the end of last season, Cersei holds a damn serious amount of interest. What was so great about that hectic 10 minutes of TV was that we knew what was brewing. Piece by piece, her plan for mass death had us glued to our TV’s as we witnessed some of the most intense, heart-racing scenes not just on the show, but in a TV series in general. For many, Cersei has been public enemy number one for just about every season now. Combine unpredictable nature, her ability to just about get whatever she wants and her actions in going full ‘Mad Queen’, these are all surely enough things to cement her status as the most powerful character heading into season seven.
Bonus: The Hound and The Mountain
“Okay fellas, I want a rough fight. High blows, low blows, take it to the head. Only one of you is walking outta here alive. When I say "break" let each other have it. Understood?”
It’s been brewing and teased for many seasons, but just like the notion that maybe winter has finally arrived through the hashtag #WinterIsHere, the one battle to rule them all may finally be gifted to us. If the screenshot below is an indication, fans just may have sniffed out the mother of all brother bust up’s, touted Clegane Bowl:
Is it The Hound (insert thinking emoji)? Fan’s seem to think so, and so do we because hell, both characters are built like brick shithouse’s, this fight, in theory, has fans salivating at the mouth. It’s a dream spectacle.
Game Of Thrones returns this Monday on HBO/Foxtel.