You're Not Special
As children growing up we have it beaten into us that we are ‘unique snowflakes’ or special sprouts full of endless capability. That each one of us is so vastly different from the next kid who also happens to be testing his nostril depth with a blue Crayola. At the time it seems that taking life advice from a 20-something-year-old teaching grad is the sane thing to do so you secure that thought nicely in your back pocket along with your Pokemon cards or potentially the home phone number of Cassie that sits across the isle from you in Geography if you’re nearing puberty (Cassie will end up breaking your heart at the Blue Light Disco by holding hands with Daniel Phillips - of all fucking people - next to the sausage rolls, so on second thought keep hold of that Charizard).
You hang on to those fucking cards, kid.
The evil seed lays dormant in your temporal lobe, wedged somewhere between that piece of shit Space Jam jumper you got from a weird uncle for Christmas and the suppressed memory of the time you shat your budgie smugglers at the Year 6 swimming carnival. It’s never really a thing you consciously consider until you have to start making decisions in your life. You look at someone doing the same thing as you and think, 'Hey! I’m better than all these plebs, I’m special and what happens to them couldn’t possibly happen to me', or 'This conceptual second year Bachelor Of Arts project truly is unique and career-defining and maybe I won’t end up mixing paint at Bunnings!'. While your gullibility is humorous for everyone but you, you are in fact wrong. You are no more special than two different cars on the same production line, two different Zoo magazines in the work site cubicle or two different episodes of seminal 90s sitcom Friends.
A different kind of special.
Now you may think that the qwerty footsoldier angrily jabbing the keyboard is just a melancholic, cynical also 20-something-year-old that didn’t amount to much so he feels that bringing the rest of the world down with him will ease the pain and well… You might be right. Or maybe he just quit smoking and his having a hard time dealing. But that’s not the point. The fact that we are indeed not special is the single greatest news since Shane Warne decided to stop taking up half his time being a professional cricketer to become a full-time Aussie yobbo.
By thinking that the people around us are extraordinary or different to us we allow ourselves the indulgence and excuse as to why other people can achieve shit that we can’t. When you realise that we are more or less the same skin bag of pulpy flesh and bones your entire perspective can change and this weird, potentially very useful thought might pop into your brain: 'Hey, you really can achieve anything that someone else has' - with enough will power. This can be applied to anything! From getting a thousand fans on your shitty vintage clothing Instagram "business", becoming a top level athlete turned bogan icon, starting a website, helping the poor, or just being a regular rich cunt... If someone has done it you can do it too.
Bask in monotony and do something with your life you bland piece of shit you!
by Richard Fromage - a beautiful, unique snowflake if ever he saw one.