Prepare Yourself For This Country's Most Hectic Rave

Sometimes an event comes up that seems almost unbelievably good to be tre, and today we have such an event for you in "THE DARK SIDE! Underground club/rave revolution is here!". The Facebook event spiel is truly one for the ages, so we'll summarise some of the highlights of what you can expect. It'd be fair enough to take this as something of a troll, but once you see the organiser's unflappable commitment to the event, you'll begin planning for that fateful day around April 30.

- "FREE TATTOOS FOR THE FIRST RAVE!!!!!!!"

No word on whether these are fake or real, but it's a killer hook to get you in.

- "NO VIOLENCE"

An honourable second line. Until you read literally the next sentence:

- "take this warning seriously....my crowd control is a flame thrower so dont be fukn up my rave. we have plans to organise a boxing ring for all u angry rev heads."

So there's no violence, but if there is, you will be burned to death via a fucking flame thrower. Also a boxing ring does not sound like it adheres very strictly to the no violence rule. In fact it appears to fly directly in the face of said rule.

- "the date displayed is incorrect so dont plan around it. have fun ravers"

A clever notion. I imagine most poeple who would attend such an event have very little do in the rest of their lives so would probably be able to clear their schedule for any number of days around it.

- "profits from the rave will pay for 3300sqm property to be built as a permanent rave location :) no more problems finding a place"

Finally, a raver wonderland that never has to move.

The DJs and MCs can apply by sending the organiser a text, and they'll be added to a lineup that is so far shaping up nicely:

- "7 djs organized so far. there details are to come

DJ1: played at stereosonic and many more

DJ2: NO LONGER ATTENDING :(

DJ3: https://www.facebook.com/scottyassassin?fref=nf

DJ4: ? stage name CAMZOR 6 years experience. works at clubs all through perth including amber. genres include happy hardcore to drum and bass mixes

MC1: will be revealed on a later date. 10+ years experiance, amazing MC. truely amazing tunes. genres include trance, progressive and much more to name a few."

A couple of things. Is DJ 2's DJ name actually "No Longer Attending :("? Because if so that's probably one of the best DJ names I've ever heard. It'd also be one of the most confusing, so I'm going to assume DJ 2 has pulled out, which would lead me to believe that the smarter option here would be just take out DJ2 from the event spiel. Or perhaps add in the other 4 (or is it 3 now?) DJs that have been organised thus far. And does the MC actually MC over trance and progressive music? Because that seems to go against what those genres have been about since glow sticks became a thing.

- "thinking of having a spiting contest for all you ozzy hip hoppers and rappers alike with a possible prize to promote more people to get up and have a go. please dont be shy."

A few things here too: If you take "spiting" on surface value, this contest sounds like a chance for "ozzy hip hoppers and rappers alike" to throw some serious spite toward each other. Which would kinda make sense in a rap battle kind of way. Conversely let's assume it's a typo, and is meant to be spitting. Now given the rest of the event spiel, it wouldn't be so crazy to think he literally means he wants ozzy hip hoppers and rappers to spit on each other. But I'm gonna give him two benefits of the doubt, and assume first it was a typo, and second he's just down with hip hop lingo, and there will likely be a "rhyme spitting" contest.

- "SPONSOR: riding bull machine, dj lights, 3 phase generator, strobes, portable dance floor, tattoo artists and stalls, smoke machine, extra sound system from a club that got rebuilt."

Wait now he's throwing in a riding bull machine? If you weren't sold yet you definitley are now. The rest of this sounds like the event organiser is planning something akin to a small-scale Future Music Festival.

- "potentially access to 10,000 acres to use *(private land)"

What does potentially mean in this instance? If ticket sales (however that is actually being coordinated) start popping off has he arranged for some expansion room? The rest of his personal equipment is pretty standard bush rave gear, including a 9500W sound system, 3d laser lights (v-important), smoke machines yada yada yada, until...

- "WANTED: boxing ring or cage, bouncy castles, slushie machines."

Don't be promising boxing matches with angry rev heads right at the start if you haven't yet obtained the necessary equipment for this to happen in.

- "FOOD + DRINKS will be sold on site by a portable food van. prices will be displayed when i make another enquiry.."

This sounds a bit airy-fairy.

- "entry fee will be decided later, locals get discounts."

So does this. Lucky locals though.

- "no violence"

Yeah you said.

- "party could last 1-3 days"

Why stop there?

- "Portable toilets will be available for use."

I don't believe this at all.

And finally, the kicker:

- "BLACKLISTED GUESTS: daniel stacevich and his poxy dj mate."

Not sure what Mr Stacevich or his poxy DJ mate did, but they are going to spewing about this.

Keep up to speed with the event HERE, to see if all the promises do or do not come to fruition.