A handy guide to being hungover in Brisbane
Carpe damn your head hurts but don't let it stop you!
So the hungover guide to Sydney went well enough last week to warrant a new regular column, offering some options to avoid losing your entire Saturday/Sunday to the bad decisions you made last night.
It's hard to tell what's worse: the pain in your head or the fact that you're still in Brisbane... LOL/JKs. All self-deprecation aside, Brisbane ain’t so bad. The ol’ river city has often been the brunt of crude jokes about its lack of culture - here’s looking at you Sydney and Melbourne. Sure, as far as cities go Brisbane is still one big country town, but it’s progressed pretty well in recent years; bars popping up every other week, a healthy music scene, and there's some dam tasty fare being offered in eateries across the city.
How about that pain in your head though?
Well here’s a few things that will take the edge off that hangover and prove that Brisbane ain’t still a shitty backwater on the banks of a dirty brown river. “Culture” galore, albeit through the lenses of some dark, hangover-induced sunglasses.
NB: public transport in Brisbane is shite, and most things worth trying or knowing about take a bit of a hike to get to. Finding a sober significant other to be your wheels for the day is the aim of the game here. We suggest offering them good banter. Everyone loves good banter.
While breakfast may be the most important meal of the day, especially in the midst of being crippled by nausea and dehydration from your awesome night before, coffee comes first. You’ve got to crawl before you can walk. There’s a shitload of cafes in Brisbane but none more dedicated to the act of making beans into caffeine-filled cups of goodness than this little gem in New Farm. Death Before Decaf dishes out coffee 24/7, meaning that whenever you are able to pull yourself together enough to leave the house there will be a hot cup of joe waiting to bring you back to reality. Looking more like a tattoo parlour than a cafe, DBD is a refreshing addition to the plethora of Brisbane coffee haunts.
It may look like where you got that drunken tattoo on your butt last night, but it's not.
Now that you’ve got the energy to be upright you’ll need some actual food to sustain yourself for the day ahead. The Low Road Cafe in Windsor might not be the most polished eatery in Brisbane, but it carries quirk and charm in bucketloads; as well as a penchant from the staff to tell it how it is. This is the no fuss, no bullshit establishment you need to hang your head over a plate of fried goodness. Grab the Mexican beans, avocado and sourdough and add scrambled eggs to wash away last night’s impurities.
This is crispy Spanish fried potatoes with seared chorizo, salsa, spinach, fried egg and roast tomato aioli. And you are now hungry.
By now you’re probably staring down the barrel of midday and wondering just what the fuck to do with yourself (of of course, just waking up, we don't judge here). New Farm Park is ideal for a spot of soul-searching/trawling the web to see just what it is that you got up to the night before. There’s enough room to find a quiet piece of grass away from the screaming kids and frisbee-wielding wankers. There’s free wi-fi too, because let’s face it if you’re reading this you’re probably looking at a pocket full of coins to get you through to next pay day. You understand the importance of free.
Drinking is accepted [Editor's note - is it because I'm from Perth this seems fucking incredible?] in New Farm Park, so if you’re feeling a bit more human a cheeky mid-day six pack could be consumed. If you’ve still got that significant other in tow grab some wine and cheese and it’ll make a convincing second date; showing all the hallmarks of the dashing European that you’re attempting to masquerade as.
So much room for non-activities.
By now the sun’s dropping low beyond the city and you’re looking at a metaphorical fork in the road: kick-on or bow out. If you choose the former you’re going to need some more food to line that delicate stomach of yours. Ben’s Burgers has got to be the go to for burgers in a city that seems to have more burger joints per capita than anywhere else; hand pressed beef with buns that are just so so right, tap beer and a chilli fries offering that will instil a fire into the darkest reaches of your belly. Order yourself a BB special with candied bacon. Cheap Asian is an alternative further up the Valley in Chinatown. Asian Fusion is the pick of the litter; offering BYO if you really want to ramp up that kick on. Their salt and pepper tofu is the stuff of legend and will leave you craving another ten plates.
This isn't just a burger, it's a lifestyle choice.
Brisbane’s got some awesome small bars littered throughout the suburbs, so make the most of that lift you’ve been scabbing all day. The Junk Bar in Ashgrove looks like a thrift store from the street, wedged between a dress shop and Chinese takeaway but inside it’s a hive of other-worldly decor and an impressive drinks menu. It’s got the status as Brisbane’s original suburban hole in the wall bar. Death Valley may be the younger sister to Southside Tea Room but it’s another neat little bar over the river in Morningside; chances are you’ll be served by Patience or John from the Grates too who are behind both ventures. That’s some Brisbane indie rock royalty for you. If you don’t fancy venturing too far from the city, Super Whatnot nestled into a wall in a discrete laneway behind Queen Street Mall has you covered with American-inspired eats and a drinks menu that favours quality over quantity.
Given your current state, appropriate really.