Catching the Tram from Beaufort St to Fitzroy Pt. 2

Hey fans and hate readers, I know you have been waiting with breath that is bated for my next update. The cultural wonderland and indie mecca that is Melbourne has been my home for 6 weeks, so my proverbial horse is now as high as the Eiffel tower, kinda like Kendrick’s dick.

GETTING A JOB CONTINUED

I fluked a job in promotions and social media due to having spent the past 10 years in Perth being a nosy bitch about events and doorgirling, and the bar looking for someone just so happened to have done some work with a promoter I had worked for in Perth. Everybody hates nepotism until it happens to you.

FOOTSCRAZY

Highest concentration of Perth indie musicians outside of Mt Lawley. Great combination of Sudanese, crust punks, Vietnamese, scared art kids and white junkies. At the moment their council is having an industrial action which means that no rubbish is being picked up, so the streets look and smell like what I imagine Bali to look and smell like. I’ve never been to Bali, because I’m a #tru hipster. The upside of this means once you’ve finished your $4.50 crispy pork banh mi no chilli, you can just throw that lil wrapper guy on the ground, like everybody else. It’s really liberating. There is also a Savers there, which is an op shop that has motherfuckin’ trolleys. Footscray Savers has been where I have been putting together my new Spring Look - which is “Hipster Girl Tries to Dress like a Rich Girl in order to go to a Polo Game and Possibly Blow a Prince (Or a Banker)”. It features lots of loafers, pencil skirts, tight Ralph Lauren and Gucci polos and a healthy dose of sneering.

JUNKIES

There are junkies and fits fucking everywhere in Melbourne, but especially if you are in Collingwood and Richmond inner city. If you are not as urban and accepting as I am, (*cough* Western Suburbs and GT) you might find this surprising, offensive and almost a little bit frightening. Never fear, lil blonde bebs, smack junkies are far more preferable to deal with VS the Northern Suburbs Yatch Addicts spouting cookery that roam around Perth. A) They can’t run, B) They mostly keep to themselves, C) too zoned to be paranoid or care that you are looking at them wrong and D) They are even a little bit .. farrsshhonn. I enjoy seeing a guy in a top hat, floral leggings, gumboots walking down Smith St after having a bop. Avoid the benches outside Punter’s Palace.

HOUSES

I got a house walking distance to the CBD for $115 a week, and it has a pool. I'm gonna have these babes in it every weekend. I won Melbourne. Sucked in.

MELBOURNE CUP

I don't want to talk about it.

By Gracey Ophelia