A few basic tips on how not to Tinder

Now we all know that Tinder is at worst a pretty superficial/degrading image-based potential mate selection app, but at best it’s a damn easy way to get laid. And I do even have friends who are in stable relationships that started out as Tinder matches. Me? I began using Tinder as a means to cure boredom, and, you know, for lols... Regardless of how/why you use it, there’s a pretty basic set of standards that you can keep to which will definitely help your cause – whatever it may be. And from someone who swipes around, here are a few things that are more than likely putting your left/right swipe ratio into the negative.

Your profile pic has girls in it

Not sure if you know this, but girls can be pretty insecure. And no girl is interested in a guy who has one main girl in his pics, or pictures with 50 other girls standing around them. Girls who are on Tinder to actually find someone (whether that be a fuck buddy, or to seriously date) don’t need or want to see what we’re up against, so featuring girls in your pics is an immediate turn off. Not to mention the fact that it makes you look like a manwhore. I mean, sometimes we girls can be competitive enough to sign up for the challenge, but more often than not, if there is one hot girl in your main pic and you have your arm around her; we’re swiping left.

Your pics have a car, cartoon character, don't show your face, or heaps of people

You know Tinder is pretty much based solely on looks, right? I don’t care how insightful/witty your little description is, if I see one more fucking Holden Commodore as a profile picture, or Peter Griffin’s face, or a Pokemon character, or a helmet, or there’s seven guys in every picture that I have to play “guess which one you are”, or you’re standing 1000 kilometres away from the camera, Imma clear my throat, put on my best Simon Cowell voice and say; “It’s a no from me”.

You have a really hot mate in your profile picture

Sometimes we legit consider swiping right just to figure out who your friend is…

There’s a baby in your profile picture

For some reason, a lot of the guys I come across on Tinder seem to think it is cute to have a baby or toddler in their pictures. You know what we are thinking? Is this…is this your baby? Do you have a child? Or is this your baby sister that you are 20 years older than? It doesn’t make you look like a saint, or like you’d be a “good dad” (let’s be real, who is looking for a ‘good dad’ on Tinder?). In fact it will probably just freak us out. If I know you, and your baby pic is on Facebook, that’s fine. However, this is the world of Tinder and if some of you don’t know – you can pick and choose which photos to display. So sorry to break it to you, but if I’m in my 20s and on Tinder, my maternal instincts haven’t quite kicked in yet.

Simple grammar/spelling is non-existent

Maybe I’m biased, being a writer and all. But if you spell something wrong in your description, or you use the wrong their/they’re/there or you’re/your I’m probably gonna skip along (no one wants an illiterate guy, or one who can’t even take five seconds to check his spelling on a dating app, let alone devote time to a girl).

While we’re on descriptions…

One-liners are great if they’re funny, or a reference to a television show. Interests are great, but we don’t need your life story. Also being arrogant in just a short, simple description on Tinder doesn't bode well for you as a person. Whatever you do though, don’t use clichés like “I’m just looking to meet new people.” This isn’t eHarmony and I’m not a divorced 40-year-old looking for someone to go for long walks on the beach with.

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So there you have it, a list of things that may be setting you back on Tinder matches. And hey, I’m sure there are plenty of things us girls need a heads-up about on Tinder, too. Maybe you’ll just have to take the punt, swipe right, and tell us.

Now go forth and prosper, and may your weekend be filled with adventure and wonder.

Words by Annabel O.