51 Sure Signs Your Kick-On Has Turned Into A Bender

We’ve all been there. A big night out with your friends. Hittin’ up da club. Havin’ a laff. Maybe even dancing (ironically, of course). Punching darts out the front… But like most places you go out to at night that aren’t kebab shops, clubs tend to close.

The party can’t stop yet though. That last wanger you necked still hasn’t kicked in, but it’s going to soon, and you need somewhere nice to chill and talk some shit with whoever’s willing to listen.

Things evolve. Kick-ons aren’t really announced, they just kinda happen. Maybe some people who were at other events rock up. Maybe they don’t. But a portion of the people who you were hanging out have now gathered at a specific location to keep the good times rolling. But at what stage do the good times shift, morphing into long times? At what stage do you accept that sleeping before the next night’s activities are no longer an option? At what stage does your kick-on turn into a bender?

Never not here to help, welcome to Pilerats’ handy guide of 51 sure signs that what was once a pleasant, shit-talking kick-on has evolved into a filthy bender. A time and place where anything is possible, and life as you know it could take any number of directions...

51 SURE SIGNS YOUR KICK-ON HAS TURNED INTO A BENDER:

1. Has the bottleshop been open then closed then opened again since you went the first time?

2. Have all regular drink/smoke preferences gone completely out the window in favour of whatever the hell you can find?

3. Has your partner stated several times they’d like to go home, only for you to ignore that to the point where they’ve left and come back six hours later to try and take you home?

4. Did that second attempt also fail?

5. Have you found a new area of the house you’re at and been astounded that it’s yet to be used for somewhere to drink (roof, shed, basement)?

^ Photo via.

6. Is whatever you’re consuming now being paid for solely on tic?

7. Has the phrase “shelve it” been thrown around?

8. Has the phrase “shelve it” been put into practice?

9. Have you messaged every potential booty call in your contacts and still gotten zero replies?

10. Have you lied to a family member RE: your whereabouts?

11. Have you been discussing at length the logistics of climbing things you really shouldn’t be (cranes, rooves, trees etc.)?

12. Did you get a sweet gram from the top of that crane you just climbed?

13. Are you now wondering how the fuck to get down from the crane you just climbed?

14. Are you wearing a piece of clothing that belongs to the opposite sex?

15. Have you spent five minutes trying to light the wrong end of a cigarette?

16. Did you accidentally drink the bong water?

17. Has "straight-arming" been the preferred method of alcohol consumption for the last few hours?

^ photo via.

18. Was there a period of time where it was freezing cold for a couple of hours, only for it now to be stinking hot?

19. Are you hanging out with members of the West Coast Eagles 2006 premiership team?

20. Do you feel like it’s okay for you to be driving again based purely on the fact the sun is up?

21. Have you spent the last few hours drinking half-finished, warm Sommersby ciders?

22. Are you having difficulty discerning what time it was you actually arrived to your current location?

23. Are you wearing a football jumper because the fucking footy is about to start?

24. Has someone gone to Bunnings to collect all the necessary parts to build a funnel?

25. Has someone gone to Bunnings to collect all the necessary parts to build a slippery dip?

26. Have you watched the final credits for Rage and have no intention of going to bed?

^ Don't tell me the theme song isn't screaming in your head right now.

27. Have the papers/filters you’re using for rollies been predominately sourced from the ground in your immediate area?

28. Have you spent more than two hours trying to come up with the dankest meme human kind has ever known?

29. Even though you’ve never DJ’d before in your life ever, have you somehow found yourself mixing tracks for the better part of three hours, simply because no one else can be fucked?

30. Have you totally locked in a DJ set at a club night next week after someone totally vibed on said DJing?

31. Do you now own a pet ferret?

32. Does emu export taste good?

33. Was a second tab of acid a really good idea 10 minutes ago?

34. Have you made a new best friend even though you didn’t know that person prior to 6am?

35. Have you guys totes locked in a breakfast date tomorrow (that you both have no intention of actually doing)?

36. Did someone go to Macca’s on a breakfast run only to bring back frozen cokes because they missed breakfast by four hours?

37. Have you built a fire pit only using smashed up furniture?

38. Is someone asleep on your kitchen floor?

39. Have people out for their morning jog looked upon you with disgust as you trudge back from the servo with 5 bottles of Powerade and a pack of darts?

40. Has an entirely separate kick-on crew suddenly appeared at your house?

41. Has someone suggested that getting the clippers out would be a great idea?

^ photo via.

42. Has someone suggested that getting a tattoo gun out would be a great idea?

43. Have your neighbours adopted an “if you can’t beat them, join them” mentality and hopped over the fence to sink beers with you?

44. Did you catch yourself in the mirror and think ‘jeez I’ve lost a bit of weight lately’? 

45. Are you trying to work out if the number of sick days you’ve called in this year is an acceptable amount to add one more?

46. Have you swallowed your house key so you have a seemly legitimate excuse as to why you didn't go to work?

^ this actually happened, via.

47. Have you clicked attending on six different parties for tonight because you are fucking on one?

48. Has last night’s Snapchat Story turned into a 10 minute epic more closely resembling the filmography of Harmony Korine?

49. Are you wearing sunglasses in a non-ironic fashion?

50. Have the cops given up telling you to keep it down because they no longer have a legal leg to stand on given it’s the middle of the day?

51. Have you traversed the emotional rollercoaster this is questioning what you’re doing with your life, only to come out the other side and realise this is exactly what you should be doing with your life?

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If you answered yes to any of these questions, it’s probably a bender.

If you answered yes to lots of the questions, it’s definitely a bender.

If you answered yes to all of these questions, we hope you’re enjoying the bender that you are still clearly on.

And for a bit of #banter, this weekend we wanna know if you’re kick-on has drifted into darker territories. Just follow us on Instagram ( @pilerats_ ) and hastag #isitabender with your no-doubt beautiful photos. Best gram gets a carton of shit beer for their next party, winners announced on Tuesday with a full round-up of the best of the worst (if anyone’s actually coherent enough to even do any of this).

Header photo via.