You Can Take RiFF RAFF to Prom For $28,000
Not-so-professional rap escort service.
Attention lonely hearts: forget about sweating hard on whether you're going to have to take your Mum's cousins' sons' brother to your high school prom, for want of a better option. The rap world's loosest canon RiFF RAFF, is ready to be your personal knight in shining armour - he's advertising himself out on social media as a potential date for high schoolers; for the very reasonable fee of US $28,000. Ol' Jody Highroller is really on one lately: first he attempted to sell a fake prototype of a collab shoe between himself and Air Jordan on eBay, then he tried (/is trying) to become a WWE superstar (for real).
If you can meet the fee, not only do you get to boost your reputation by a milli by having the Gucci Jacuzzi rap lord - who inspired James Franco's character Alien in cult film Spring Breakers - on your arm all night, RiFF RAFF will help you with your social media standing, promoting the date on his Twitter and Instagram accounts for a week prior to prom night, so that everyone knows who you are, and he'll pick you up for the occasion in a flashy Lamborghini. He's promised the aforementioned in a post he put up on his Instagram on Monday:
He also promises 'iconic photos and freestyle videos' all night - likely putting you both in the running for the prom's Worst Dressed award, if his outing with Katy Perry at the VMA's is anything to go by:
The final (and dodgiest) part of RiFF RAFF's offer is to attend what looks like a very personal after party with him at 'the best penthouse suite in town'. Perhaps this last, um, 'perk' explains why RiFF RAFF's offer is only open to students who are 18+. RiFF RAFF's kicked his drug habit though, so don't expect any molly-fuelled rampages down the hotel corridors.
If you're interested, you just have to get in touch with RiFF RAFF's management. We're not sure if the offer extends to Australian high school balls, but we're sure RiFF RAFF would be open to the prospect and no doubt has plenty of private jets on hand to make it out here. Potential applicants should remember that, when the Lamborghini rolls into your parents' driveway, you'll have to introduce your mum to this:
Be sure to request the below. Snowballlllll.